Came home from the psych about half an hour ago. Had a very interesting session. It was intense, and I don't mean it like before, when by "intense" I meant exhilarating. This time it was extremely tricky: we delved into something that has been a huge deal for me in terms of self-esteem.

I won't go into detail because this is not exactly a private blog; I will say that in summary, it was all settled by the fact that I have to learn to forgive myself, and to accept that my struggle did not come with the easiest of challenges. Also I was told that regardless of how some things in particular may be interpreted, the only affirmation of the real self is the actual person. There are some circumstances that bring about results that may be mistaken as tangible proof of a person's worth. And it is for this reason that I have to understand that at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what these things "reveal": those who know and love me (enough) will know better than to use these things as basis for the kind of person I am.

It seemed like a pretty basic thing to know, and it's a bit ironic because I have always prided myself in not caring about what other people think of me. Apparently, there are some areas where I am dead scared of being seen as anything less than the person I know myself to be.

Anyway I have a long way to go, and I only wish that those willing to take me for who I am, do. May they understand that things (and people) don't fix themselves overnight, and it is during these circumstances when patience is needed. I for one am trying to surpass my own issues, and there is nothing that would help me more than encouragement and acceptance from those who love me. I am in the process of fixing myself, and I would want nothing more than to be given my own time to do so. It must be known that I do not like to be rushed, and that I come around in my own time.

As for the things that -- as the doctor revealed -- I am embarrassed with, these are merely pieces of evidence of what I went through. They are not reflections of who I am; they are merely fragments that speak of how I came to be who I am. It is because of this that I have been told to understand that everyone has their own insecurities, and that in time I have to learn to not be embarrassed of what I went through, and the things they resulted in.

At the same time, I guess I have to give people a bit more faith, and confidence in their ability to accept me and where I came from. I guess I'm not the only one who looks for confidence in others. Even those from whom I look for acceptance, most probably want my trust in their sincerity as people who genuinely love me.

Currently feeling: scared

CanNOT wait to see x-Men 3. Although I haven't really read the comic books themselves, I've been a huge fan of these mutants ever since I was a kid.

I want to be a mutant; I've wanted to be Weird, I know; but I'm not ashamed to say it, dammit! And call me crazy, but when the Discovery Channel showed this one-hour special on how science can replicate the closest thing to superhuman powers, I was glued to the screen wondering how possible it was for a person to obtain these "powers".

How cool would it be to have these superhuman abilities? And not the usual conjuring shit that fairy tales have exposed us to; I'm talking about the kind of powers the X-Men have. If I could have my pick of what abilities to be born with, I'd want a combination of those of Nightcrawler's, Professor X's, Jean Grey's, Pyro's, and Storm's. In addition, I'd also want the power to manipulate electricity. It would be nice to be able to conjure up a lightning bolt in my hand without my eyes turning white and rising up in the air (if that IS how Storm originally does it). I also want to be able to transfigure, with the option of manipulating either my entire body or just parts of it.

I may even consider having a totally different appearance as a mutant (Mystique looks cool, I don't care if she's blue), but to a certain extent. Sorry, but I'd rather look normal than look like Toad. It would be cool to have different-colored irises (although that's possible without mutant genes), or wings just like the ones Angel has. And call me crazy, but I think Nightcrawler's tail is hella cool.

The third X-Men installment deals with what I think is a very good angle of the conformity issue that the X-Men deal with. From the preview I've seen, there is now involved a "cure" that the government has formulated against the mutant gene. After watching the 30-minute preview on Star Movies, I was like "Oooooh, this is gonna be good."

The subject sparks my interest based on personal concerns as well. I was never a big fan of making oneself up with the sole purpose of fitting in. Sure there's something to be said about being part of a community but goddammit, who cares if I like being different? Call me weird and I'll thank you for it; call me strange and I'll buy you coffee (you have to mean it though ).

I remember my dad telling me once that nonconformists never succeed in life. I'm taking that by "life" he means the corporate kind, and by "succeed" he means landing the highest position in a company (which he has managed to do). And thinking about it now, I'm guessing that what he meant was that a person has to learn to follow the rules in order to get somewhere; I don't think he quite understood that nonconformity does not always equate to rebellion. And relating it to how he knows me, I just have to say that I am not one who will break the rules just because I want to, or just because I am inconvenienced by them. I will, however, not agree with them if I find them, well, disagreeable. I may follow, but I won't suck up

If I had mutant powers and I was presented the option of "curing" myself, I'd probably just laugh. Leave me alone, normal person! I'm different and I like it. There is so much to be said about the saying "You laugh because I'm different; I laugh because you're all the same." Who wants to be drop-dead-boring normal anyway? Support uniqueness, I say. Individuality is on the way to extinction, and I for one think it's such a tragedy. That's why I'm really looking forward to the third X-Men movie: it advertises the fact that it's good to be different. I for one thing don't want to be the kind of person who disappears in a crowd; only drones do that, and I refuse to be one. Ew.

On a special issue, TIME Magazine published a 56-page feature on what it has selected to be the world's 100 most influential people. I don't think that the list is circumscribed to people of contemporary times, because they had a bit about Teddy and Eleanor Roosevelt.

Off of the 100, here are some who caught my eye. I have grouped them based on the magazine's categories:

LEADERS and REVOLUTIONARIES
George W. Bush
- Like him or not, he's powerful enough to tap an entire country's phone calls and have an entire news channel (I'm not saying) back him up on it.

Pope Benedict XVI
- The article says that while people came to "see" John Paul II, they come to "hear" Benedict XVI. It's not that easy to fill the shoes of the previous pope, but this one seems to be going in another direction: he's choosing to wear his own.

Bill and Melinda Gates
- They started Microsoft, and they give to charity. Nuff said.

Oprah Winfrey
- The frontliner for the bringing of women's rights issues to the public. Probably the richest celebrity in all of celebrity-dom. I like her compassion for the people of Africa, especially the children. Not a big fan of her romanticizing though

Condoleeza Rice
- Apparently, a lot of influence shoots out from that gap between her teeth. Hehehehe. The second African-American to hold the position of National Security Advisor, and the first woman to ever serve as such. You gotta admire the fact that she's taken a lot of blows from the public, yet there she still stands. Much like a sub-Bush, with power that in some instances seems to even surpass that of the original. For those who scorn her, beware: she may be unappealing and hatred- and ridicule-worthy at times, but I have a feeling she can send troops to your front yard, lock you in your own house, quarantine the entire area with a bunch of illegal immigrants from Mexico, and keep you there for as long as she wants. Of course I'm just speculating, but who knows -- she might.


SCIENTISTS and THINKERS
Zahi Hawass
- The Secretary for (and Indiana Jones of) the Department of Egyptian Antiquities. The Discovery Channel did a week-long feature on Egypt a year ago, and he was in almost every show. His presence was most felt in the show that focused on Egypt's quest to get back the smuggled and "stolen" Egyptian antiques that now reside in foreign museums. It's a big fight, from what I've seen. Kudos to him for his persistence and guts. I too believe that Egyptian antiques belong to Egypt, and they must be returned. Forget tourism for a moment and keep in mind where these artifacts belong. Have respect, dammit.

Jimmy Wales
- The man behind Wikipedia. Whowuddathunk: a website that grows on its own, because of its visitors? Built a titan of a website from a small collection of encyclopedia entires (twelve, to be exact). His website rocketed up to monstrous popularity thanks to three words:

Edit this article

The customizability of the entries seemed(?) to spark the interest of millions of people, resulting in a collection that is now ten times bigger than that of Encyclopedia Britannica.

Ma Jun
- The man who proved that if armed with a pen, one person can change the world (or in his case, get China to get off their asses and start taking more notice). A journalist-turned-environmental advocate, Ma Jung has gunned the accelerator and botled China into the next step in the solving of its environmental crisis. Labelled by Ed Norton (who wrote the article on him for TIME) as "The Man Who Would Save the People's Water", Ma Jung is presented to the world as living proof that you only have to care enough and be brave enough to slap a tight-ass country across the face, make it take notice of the problems, and then make it do something about it.


HEROES and PIONEERS
Michelle Wie
- She has bagged the #2 position of the women's world golf rankings. Sponsors have been jumping at the chance to acquire her as spokesperson, resulting in her pocketing approximately $10 million a year in endorsements from names such as Nike and Sony.

She aims to break the gender barriers in the sport of golf, refusing to stop at the ladies' events; she has set her sights to becoming the first woman to participate in the Masters. Although still title-less, she believes that this is the year for her to finally make the ultimate mark on the face of golf and claim her place in history as one of the greatest and most respectable players ever to be remembered.

Oh and by the way: she's 16.

Bono
- Rock fused with humanitarianism -- can't have it better than that

One of the most highlighted figures in contemporary music scene, as well as today's movements for world reform, U2's Bono has become to me one of entertainment's most inestimable contributions to the world. Aside from putting out songs that rivet the mind as well as the heart, he has stepped off the red carpet and onto the dusty trails of Africa to help in the provision of medicine and care for countries crippled by poverty and AIDS.

His -- along with Bob Geldof's -- most recent contribution has been the launching of the worldwide musical movement Live 8. An internationally-organized series of free concerts performed simultaneously in countries all over the globe, the main goal was to raise not funds for, but awareness of the poverty and debt situation in many African countries. The concerts were collectively an address to the presidents of the 8 most powerful countries, all of them set to meet at the annual G8 summit to decide on actions to be taken regarding world concerns. Live 8 was launched when it was announced that world poverty was on top of the agenda of the then-upcoming summit.

Bono has moved himself beyond a rock icon, and has become a pioneer for global awareness backed up with action. And as history unfolds, it might be that his trademark sunglasses come only second to his contributions to today's humanitarian causes.

Paul Simon
- Widely known as half of the Simon and Garfunkel duo, Paul Simon has become one of the most noted musicians today. Even after the duo's run, Simon has continually been active in the music scene, working with Mexicans, South Africans, and Brazilian drummers for the incorporation of an added level of flavor to his work. His new album Surprise alludes to the tragedy in New Orleans, and retains the same melody, thoughts, and sentiments for which the world has come to know him.

Steve Nash
- All hail the two-time MVP of the NBA. A proud member of the Phoenix Suns, Steve Nash is anything but proud. Despite the stardom that he has obtained, he still emanates as the nice guy who works to makes his teammates better. Along with his star-quality performances, this is probably the reason why he is this revered in the first place.

Spectators and NBA players alike describe Steve Nash to be one of the most unselfish players in the league. He boosts up the entire team not through flashy dunks and glittery press ops: he does this by being an all-around support and backer who only wants to push his entire team to be the best they can be in every game. Call it a cliche, but it works: the Suns came out of a 3-1 playoffs record against the LA Lakers to advance to the Eastern Conference Semifinals. Kobe needs to seal his yap for a while and watch how basketball is played with less ego and more class.

Just goes to show you: nice guys go places, despite what people say.

[N.B. No offense to all Laker fans]


BUILDERS and TITANS
The Flickr Founders
- Most of us are probably familiar with Flickr, the website that enables photo-sharing with no charge. It has become for photos what Blogger is to blogs, with the site gathering more sign-ups every month.

While it is agreeable that there's nothing that new about the idea, you have to hand it to these guys: they managed to round up the attention as well as the enthusiasm of internet users everywhere. Although saying this only from a personal perspective, I am certain of my accuracy in claiming that the website has had overwhelming response since its launch. And it one-ups other trend sites by providing for people a basic need: some place to put and share their photos.

Kudos to them.

The MySpace Men
- Although at first glance MySpace lacks the popularity that Friendster started out with, the notable aspect of this website is the fact that it started out as a site that enabled musicians to share their music to people worldwide. A surprising and far-off picture from how it is now, MySpace has to be commended as being a medium that encourages the free spreading of the art of music, as well as being an enabler for musicians to put their creations out to the world for the sake of exposure. Can't say anything bad about artistic encouragement

Omid Kordestani
- "Who?"

The man who raised Google from a tiny critter to the goliath that it is now.

"Oh."

Kordestani has never gotten recognition the same as that of Google founders Sergey Brin and Larry Page, or Google CEO Eric Schmidt -- but this guy is the reason behind Google's growing popularity. The titanic brand name's vice president for global sales and business development, he is the brains behind the phenomenon that Google has become. Through huge pushes in deals with other companies and generation of big bucks through advertising, Kordestani earns the right for his name to be attributed to every email received on Gmail, every search item brought back by the Google search engine, every ice cream store located by Google world, every appointment saved on Google calendar . . . .

Mohammed bin Rashid al-Maktoum
- This chap dreams to turn Dubai into the next Singapore. As its leader, this man has pegged the future of Dubai as something that outshines the expectations of every person from whichever country across the globe.

I have been told that despite what people might imagine, Dubai has advanced in its, well, advancement: it has continually developed into the business haven that this man dreams it to be. Upon establishing things such as "a blossoming financial center, regional headquarters for global brands, mega shopping malls, amusement parks, a world-class airline and an airport to go with it, luxurious hotels that play host to 7 million tourists annually and the world's largest man-made islands," he now sets his sights on the Burj Dubai skyscraper -- a structure intended to become the world's tallest building.

Not bad for a poet/champion horseman/UAE Vice President, Prime Minister, and Defense Minister. Oh and by the way, literary sources say that he has named himself the CEO of Dubai Inc.

Shuts you up, don't it?


ARTISTS and ENTERTAINERS
Reese Witherspoon
- I'm not a fan of movies of a nature such as that of her Legally Blonde and Legally Blonde 2, but I do give my recognition to Reese Witherspoon simply because of her attitude towards hard work, as well as her intention to grab only the most profound roles. Sure, Elle Woods was anything but profound -- on the surface. But you have to recognize the process of her overcoming social branding and rising to the occasion as a worthy graduate of Harvard Law (I was told of it, I didn't see the movie. Hehehehe)

Her cinematic character aside, Reese exudes with the intelligence and confidence that I think is needed by women today. She does not try to eat up the entire male species, and she does not try to surpass it. She only works to become a cultured, dignified individual who does not have to go to great extents to prove her worth. A very hard feat to accomplish in the world of Hollywood, yet she is successful at it. And I respect her for that, I truly do.

Howard Stern
- The human textbook definition of the statement "I don't give a rat's ass."

With his popularity pushed to the top by his overly-honest attitude in his radio show, Howard Stern has been identified as one of the most fearless media figures in contemporary America. Not precisely because of undaunting passion to cover the latest controversies and air them to the public, but because of his fearless, expert operation of the leathal weapon that is his mouth. Known to criticize celebrities on air (celebrities who are his guests, mind you), Stern perfects his craft by just giving people the crap he thinks they deserve by telling them the kind of crap he thinks they are (he means well, I think).

Although he is reportedly really a nice guy, one has to admit that there is not much guts in the world similar to those of Howard Stern. The humor of his show stems from a tactless honesty that can neither be defined nor contained.

Stephen Colbert
- Primarily a "correspondent" on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert has managed to earn his own position as an anchor of a fake news show aptly named The Colbert Report. I haven't really seen an episode of it, but I do remember seeing him on The Daily Show: his sarcasm and humor are of a different kind, and I swear to God, I miss watching him. Although I've heard that his show has currently been toiling at the task of gathering decent ratings, Colbert has been described as a decent figure of news parody, and I say that's good enough.

And apparently, so does TIME Magazine.

Philip Seymour Hoffman
- Aside from the fact that I had premiere tickets, I rushed to see Mission: Impossibe III for this guy.

Forget Tom Cruise, I wanted to see Hoffman on the big screen again. After watching his Oscar-winning performance on the movie Capote, I was enamored. I only regret not being at least a gofer for the crew of the movie, for if I were I would have seen the transformation that this guy went through in getting into character. He was AMAZING in the movie, and that one performance has managed to leave me awestruck by his acting ability. I remember first seeing him on the movie Twister and I think that was back in 1995. A so-so performance, it has become a factor of comparison between how he was then and how he faces the camera now.

I have no idea how to describe how good an actor this guy was in Capote, so I'll just say this: that one movie landed him a spot on TIME's 100 "People Who Shape Our World".

If anything, go see the movie for his acting. It matters not if you know who Truman Capote was, or if you even care: his performance was good enough to not only make you pay attention, but also understand why he went home with the Oscar.


[For the entire article, visit this link.]

Two nights ago I found myself walking with Dave along the east side of Teacher's Village. We decided to take that road from Likha Diwa since Dave is looking for a new place in the area; after about 3 minutes into the walk/scan, we both decided he should look somewhere else.

It was a dodgy-looking place: dark, with this smell coming from God-knows-where, eyes following us as if studying our stride. I stuck close to Dave without looking nervous (which I was). I think it was about a 5-minute walk; it was probably the most uneasy 5 minutes I had that entire day. (For a different, horribly twisted, incredibly WRONG take on my experience, go here.)

That strip of street with houses along the sides had always been there, I know. The thing is, it was so hidden that you wouldn't really notice it if you were zooming along the main road. It was the kind of street that stems away from the road, and nobody would notice unless they took a good long scan of the place and followed the edge of the concrete. And should one do that, upon looking up that person would be greeted by a street alive with people. It was almost like a hidden chamber, and you had to find the right book to pull on the bookshelf before the entire wall revolved and this place was revealed to you.

I don't know if I'm in any place to say something like this, but thinking about it now, I wonder: just how many times have people passed the area without knowing this street was there, behind all the buildings? The place is a community, a stretch of life tucked away to the sides of the road that will ultimately lead to Katipunan Avenue -- Starbucks, Tia Maria's, high-priced condominiums, Ateneo. Of all the people who zoom past in their cars on their way to Katipunan or Eastwood, how many have actually turned their head and squinted their eyes enough to catch a glimpse of a group of boys playing with the gutter water, or a shirtless man with his voice booming while he walks aimlessly with a cigarette in his hand?

Look at it from a larger scale: how much of this country do we see, and/or how much of this country do we let ourselves see? The place was incredibly overlooked, and to be honest I wouldn't have turned my head towards that direction had Dave not led me to it. A dingy strip of what Quezon City holds in secret, the stretch was incredibly present and (almost dangerously) alive. Hidden from view, it showed me what I had never seen before, let alone been around. I don't remember the last time I had been to a place such as that; I don't even think I have, ever. What of the rest of Manila, the rest of the country? How many times have we unconsciously veered away from certain places, ignored certain situations, waved off certain thoughts that we simply did not have enough time (or interest) for? Has this country found itself where it is at now not because of lack of anything other than awareness for the issues?

A place barely lit by streetlamps in the night, that street at the east of Teacher's Village is the other side of the supposedly sunny city. And that unseen side was not dead, but brimming with life. The people packed away in that road, away from the outside view, watch you as you, a trespasser, walk their territory and pretend to be calm and composed as you wipe your forehead and subdue your trembling. And a few nights after you still hold the memory, as the memory holds you. Yes, I was scared; for a few minutes they were not the misplaced ones, the lost ones, the outcasts -- I was.

That place stands there still, and I can only wonder how much longer it will remain hidden. I do not feel pity for that place and its people; instead I have this eerie sense of respect. It's the kind of feeling that goes with the line "You don't see us, but we see you. We're watching you; we're always watching you."

As I sit here in an air-conditioned room, warmed by my Tommy Hilfiger jacket, I wonder: how long will the memory of that walk stick with me? Will I even have these same sentiments next week? How soon before I go back to my regular life, unknowingly forgetting about that street, those people, the lesson I'm still trying to find from the experience? I try to be aware of the community with no discrimination whatsoever; but even I know that there are times when I fall short. I wonder how much?

In his article in the September 10 issue of the Inquirer, Raymond talks of something similar. Give to Caesar his due, and so I shall say that it's worth reading. Check it here.

So how do all these things add up? I don't even know. I just wanted to write about an uncomfortable experience, but in the middle of my typing this up I started thinking and the thoughts started making my fingers move.

Take what you want from this post; I shall go and take with me whatever memory of that place I have left, before I fall asleep and forget all about it.

Panatang Makabayan
Iniibig ko ang Pilipinas.

Ito ang aking lupang sinilangan.

Ito ang tahanan ng ating lahi.

Ako'y kanyang kinukupkop at tinutulungan
upang maging malakas, maligaya, at kapani-pakinabang.

Bilang ganti,
diringging ko ang payo ng aking mga magulang.

Susundin ko ang mga tuntunin ng aking paaralan.

Tutuparin ko ang mga tungkulin ng isang mamamayang
makabayan at masunurin sa batas.


Paglilingkuran ko ang aking bayan nang walang pag-iimbot
at ng buong katapatan.

Sisikapin kong maging isang tunay na Pilipino

sa isip

sa salita

at sa gawa.

So where does this come in now?

Going from the thousands to the millions for each venue, not to mention the other 2 billion from around the globe watching the live feed, the crowds that gathered at the Live 8 concerts seemed to verify the impact of the concern Bob Geldof (among others) wanted to put across. The concerts simultaneously held in four different continents (with Africa jumping into the mix at the last minute) blared out that in this case, the message was as strong as the medium.

Or was it?

Airing yesterday its special on the issue of African poverty "Inside Africa", CNN brought to the attention of millions of viewers a clearer picture of the very concern for which these concerts, as well as the Global Call to Action against Poverty (GCAP) and other campaigns, have been fighting.

It was during a coverage of the London Live 8 concert the question of the crowd's awareness of the primary objectives of the concerts was raised. Surprisingly there were some attendees only aware of it being a free-of-charge, Woodstock-ish concert, with the biggest names in music performing. However, optimistic statements were given, saying that the course of the shows was mapped out to address the crowd about the concerns of the Live 8 campaign, and those who came to the show not knowing about the concerns, were made known of them.

*****

Africa, for which the campaign was launched, followed up with their own Live 8 conert in Johannesburg, simultaneous to the other concerts around the globe. The concert was added as a response to claims of the shortage of African performers at the shows.

"What do participating musicians know about Africa?" asked Susan Outa, a student in Nairobi. "How do we know whether half of them have even visited a single African country?"

The Johannesburg concert managed to gather up a few thousand people, which was a complete turnaround for the expected total turnout. This was mostly due to the lack of means of communication in the region; those who were able to witness what was termed "the world's biggest concert" were left puzzled by scenes of "white men with guitars." A significant number of Africans were unfamiliar even of the name Bob Geldof, and were only slightly made aware of the significance of the entire campaign.

"I don't know who Bob Geldof is," said Edward Romoki in downtown Johannesburg when asked what he thought of the man behind the concerts. "But people are speaking about poverty and there is plenty of that in Africa -- maybe a concert like this can put Africa in the news and change things."

Maxwell Shirima, a 25-year-old who makes around $5 a day selling oranges at the side of the road in Tanzania said he had no idea there were any concerts being staged to help Africa.

"I haven't heard anything about it, but anything to help us is good," he said.

The Johannesburg show was the second to kick-off the global events, with Tokyo being the first.

*****

Staged a few days before the G8 Summit and Glenseagles Hotel, Scotland to be held from July 6 to 8, Live 8 was also to kick-off The Long Walk to Justice which is meant not only to catch the attention, but pressure the leaders of the 8 most powerful nations in the world (The United States, Great Britain, Japan, Russia, Canada, France, Germany and Italy) to eliminate the debt of the poorest countries in the world, most of which are in Africa. Simultaneously, the campaign pushes for the doubling of aide, which goes hand-in-hand with the rebuilding of the nations that are on the extreme poverty line. Meant to be the masses' medium for their concerns, it was stressed to not be a follow-up to the 1985 Live Aid, which was also organized by Geldof. The campaign pushes to speak to the leaders, with the message being that the rest of the world will be waiting for them to make the right decisions.

As what has fervently been pointed out by Geldof, the Live 8 concerts were not for charity, but for justice. Other organizers of the campaign held on to their stand of the movement being about equality, and not financial aid.

To be led by British Prime Minister Tony Blair, the G8 Summit has been identified as one of the remaining (and currently the biggest) hopes for the elimination of world poverty. However there has been some pressure with the hesitation of US President George W. Bush, with him claiming that the increase of trade with Africa will be a more acceptable plan.

"The stakes for Africa at this meeting could not be higher," noted Dr. Paul Zeitz, Executive Director of the Global AIDS Alliance. "Blair should reject Bush's excuse that 'Africa cannot effectively use additional resources,' a view clearly contradicted by the latest UN assessment."

Moving more towards the awareness of the issues than being a major solution for them, Live 8 was meant to act as a battering ram at the doors of the Gleneagles Hotel, not intending to be a disruption for the G8 summit, but a constantly-screaming issue, the voice for which is that of the entire world.

*****

Every breath you take . . . we'll be watching you.

[sung by Sting during the Live 8 Philadelphia concert, directed towards the G8 leaders]





Sources:
www.alertnet.org
www.globalaidsalliance.org

live8

Currently listening to: the echoes of Live 8
Currently watching: hopes soar
Currently feeling: determined

This is about exposure.

I understand that, upon consideration of the social framework that has been ordained upon us, what I am about to delve into is that which is left for only select groups of individuals to entertain and explore. Yet whether you, the reader, are aware of it or not, I am part of those groups. And I am here to tell you now that I am not one to circumscribe such a sensitive and probably controversial topic to individuals who can "take it." People can take it; most just choose not to. I want you to. I at first had my apprehensions with regards to my involvement with something such as this, but after shifting my position and opening up enough, I found that it is something I would want to introduce myself to fully; and I have.

This is the type of thing that has been hidden under multiple layers of shrouds ever since the wretched notions of censorship and social consciousness were instigated. It is ironic, since the core subject of these photographs is the very thing that social consciousness calls for. I would like you to visualize your face on these photos, instead of the faces that are shown (or not shown), and witness how this process of displacement works. I cannot predict the very effect that it may bring about, but if you would allow it, it WILL make you shift in your seat. Maybe make you sweat a little. I shall walk you through every photograph.

Let's see you try and take your eyes off the screen.

A man from a Malawian village in Africa. A place crumbling under famine. People from this area, children included, eagerly await the coming of winged termites that they will moments later snatch out of the air and toss in their mouths. 1

Africa, still. 2

Liberia. A 9-year old wounded by mortar rounds that landed in a Monrovian refugee camp run by the American embassy.3

A volunteer in Libera helps bury 66 bodies in a hurriedly-dug mass grave, as peacekeepers drone in the distance.4

African children huddle as they make do with their portions.5

A toddler living in conditions that force him to literally eat crumbs off the pavement.6

A famine-stricken Sudanese child (female) crawls towards the United Nations food camp a kilometer away.

A vulture stands by.

This is a Pilitzer Prize-winning shot taken by photographer Kevin Carter. The scene he had captured led him to flee the area rigth after, the same scene that many speculate was what later on led him to take his life. Along with his body was discovered his suicide note, which read "The pain of life overrides the joy to the point that joy does not exist." 7, 8

Another photograph taken by Kevin Carter.9

I write this post neither for it to be put across as a call for action, nor as katharsis for the injustices and inequalities that I see; neither as rebellion against the countries mentioned above, nor a mere feat to add a bit of humanitarian flavor to my webjournal.

I write this post with selfish intentions; I had my concerns, and I placed them here.

Let those who cast these things away go on with their lives. I stand here as only one person aware of the limited reach and effect of a weblog, especially this one. But it is here that I choose to voice out my feelings.

This very post might make me seem like an overly-concerned individual who is nothing but frustrated towards a society she wants to change. If that is what you think, then you are very much mistaken. This is my spot on the world wide web, and these are my thoughts. Writing is my craft, and it is my right and responsibility to make use of this craft for good.

So what significant "good" do I expect this post to do? Honestly? I have no idea. But to whoever is reading this, if I have touched you in any way with the things you have seen, then let that be good enough. If I have opened your eyes to issues you have never taken a good look at before, then I am proud and grateful. If I have, however, done nothing, then it is perfectly fine. Because as I have mentioned, my intention was to voice out my concerns. And the photos you have seen verify the fact that my concerns are real, and these things ARE present not just in the countries mentioned, but in other places.

I would like to reiterate that this is not a call for action, but thinking about it, I wouldn't mind it being seen as one. Let this post move people. Let this make people think. Let this make people see. Let this make people realize that there ARE issues other than the ones they choose to deal with. Let this make people realize that other people are dying, if not already dead, for reasons they had no control over. Let this post make people understand that it goes further than countries not having sufficient finances. Because that issue in itself is worsened by the fact that nothing is being done. People are left to waste away, then rot away, then get buried in mass graves (if they get buried at all).

This is about exposure. Exposure of these issues that call for social awareness as well as human compassion, and exposure of the part of myself that not many people get to see.

So how do you like it?

CITED SOURCES:

1 "Why People are Still Hungry in Africa." Herald Tribune. 15 July 2003. 25 May 2005. http://www2.ee.ntu.edu.tw/~b86163/Weblog/july182003.htm 2 photo taken from http://churchofsaginaw.org/churchstory/crossroads.htm (photographer unknown)
3 Benson, Robert. "Inside the Pulitzers." American Photojounalist7 June 2004. 25 May 2005. http://www.americanphotojournalist.com/news.php?post_id=145
4 ibid.
5 photo taken from http://mars.walagata.com/w/boonchee/poverty.jpg
6 Villanueva, Lorraine. "IMAGES THAT WILL TOUCH YOUR HEART...." E-mail to the author. 22 May 2005.
7 ibid.
8 "The Ultimate in Unfair". Flat Rock. 29 April 2005. 25 May 2005. http://flatrock.org.nz/topics/odds_and_oddities/ultimate_in_unfair.htm
9 ibid.

live8

The things I have to deal with are starting to pile up, and I think it's time I took care of them one by one.

I don't even know how to start with the thing I recently posted about, so I'll leave that for last.  

But regarding something that I've been trying to decide on, I think I'm going to have to stop putting off acting on it and just do whatever it is I have to do.  The problem is, I don't quite know exactly what it is I should do.  

People have told me over and over to just forget about him and go on with my life, because he's the type of person that nobody should waste time on.  I completely understand where they're coming from, and I share the same sentiments.  But the thing is this was one of the things I never really chose to deal with.  Sure it was just a two-week thing, but that's not the point.  The point is that this is something that I have to close.  One way or the other.  For good.  Just like what I told him, I just leave things alone.  Heck yeah, that really DID show him, but I've been thinking:  maybe this is one of those monsters that don't get killed by chants and curses.  Maybe this is the kind that I have to actually face in order to slay.

Maybe I SHOULD meet up with him and talk to him face-to-face.  But should I do that, I'm going to have to gut up, get tough.  Not at ALL as easy as I'm making it sound.  I have to admit that there's a slight chance that I might get pulled in, but then again, that's actually up to me, isn't it?  

I've almost never let anyone tell me what to do, but I guess when I think about it, I sometimes let myself get carried away by other people's . . . "influences" and I eventually decide to do the foolish thing.  I try to be tough, God knows I do; but there are some instances where I just can't help but submit.

Dammit, this is pathetic.  I think I've made my decision:  I'm facing it.  Fine, bring it on, let's get started, and let's see where this takes us.  Time to bury this whole thing permanently.  Even though I could do that without actually meeting up with him, there's something in me that's saying I still have to put him in his place, wherever his place is.  And that requires more that just me saying over chat "I just leave things alone."  I have to bite the bullet and confront him.  And I have to TELL him whatever it is I will realize is needed to be told.    

Yeah, that's it.  At least I think that's it.  I choose not to be a coward.  I ran away from something like this a year ago, and now it's caught up with me, and I'm at a loss as to what to do.  I'm not running away from this one.  I'm facing this bastard, and I'm dealing with him personally.  Screw the silent treatment, that's for pansies.  And I choose not to be one any longer.

Come on, set the date, man.  Time to get this whole "I'm so confused" thing over with, one way or another. 

And as for YOU (just in case you're reading this): fine, I'll trash the whole "repressed" thing.  I'm dealing with you too.  God knows I have a LOT to say.

Currently feeling: battle mode (hehehehe!)